Labels

Labels…not good enough, fat, ugly, clumsy, loud, mouthy.  I often joke about these labels but the jokes come from years of believing they all make me who I am.  I’m not playing the martyr card here, just stay with me. 

I told you in my first post about the rocks in my backpack.  I took them all out and forgave every person these rocks represented.  However, the damage had been done.  You know what I mean, that voice you just can’t get rid of.  That loud whisper in your head that tells you you’re not good enough or you can’t do something…why does this voice speak louder than the voice of God? I would think His voice would speak louder than any other.  But, once you’re damaged, it becomes who you are.  Or, does it? 

I realized I let myself become those things.  I let myself believe I wasn’t good enough.  I was so stuck on never being good enough, I didn’t even feel like a good enough Christian some days.  Well, guess what I learned?  I am good enough.  And, so are you.  You see, God created me.  He knows every single hair on my head.  He knew me before I was in my mother’s womb.  He loved me then, He was with me then and He loves me now and He is with me now. 

But, getting to this point hasn’t been easy.  I’ve let my past define me for a very long time.  To give all of that up, to no longer live behind the labels, was scary.  So I decided to start fighting. Fighting to release myself from all the things people had said to me, done to me and the things I had done.  I was fighting myself.  Until one day I realized, I was fighting a fight that had already been won. 

Jesus died on a cross for my sins.  He died on a cross for me.  The me that I defined as all those negative things, the ‘not good enough’ me…but He defines me as His—His creation, His child.  He fought the fight…and won.  Why was I still fighting?

Sure, those things had been said to me and about me.  But, one day, September 14, 2011, I took a stand, literally.  I stood up in church, believed in my heart and confessed with my mouth that Jesus was my Lord and Savior.  And, on another day, April 29, 2012, I came up out of the water, changed.  On that day, I was reborn, a child of God, a daughter of the King.

Now, don't misunderstand.  I didn't wake up on April 30 believing I was good enough.  But, I was, as I said above, changed.  I had an awareness that I never had before.  I had the knowledge that I was created by God for a reason.  That He had a will for me that was far greater than I had ever imagined.  That, with His grace, I could do anything.  The Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead was the same Spirit that now lived in me.  This Spirit, His voice, now speaks louder than any other voice in my head.   And, I finally stopped fighting.

Labels…redeemed, forgiven, loved, saved, fearfully and wonderfully made, a child of God.  I like this list much better.

Therefore if any person is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away. Behold, the new has come!—2 Corinthians 5:17

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.—John 1:12-13

Marriage

A couple weeks ago I saw an article on the web about Giuliana Rancic.  She made headlines for saying she puts her husband before her children.  Why were people so fired up about this that it made the news?

Most marriages are failing these days. Why is it?  I found out a couple in our neighborhood is divorcing after 20 years of marriage.  20 years!  Is anyone else astonished by this?  How does that happen?  Granted, I don’t know what happened in that household.  And, I know things aren’t always as they seem with people.  But, there are a few things I’ve learned over the past year and a half that restored my marriage. 

First of all, the one and only “person” that could have restored our marriage was God.  He has become the center of our relationship.  He is my top priority.  He comes first, then my husband, then my children.  This is a very new idea to a lot of us.  I know it was to me.  Marriage is hard.  I wasn’t prepared for how hard it was going to be. 

One of my biggest struggles was I wasn't seeking fulfillment from God.  I was seeking it from my spouse.  So, what does that mean exactly?  Well, Craig is a wonderful husband and father.  He’s very involved with the kids and loves me, a lot.  He’s forgiving and reliable and I know my children have a great example of what a husband and father should be. 

That being said, he’s still a man and I’m still a woman and that means we-are-different.  So different in fact, that it seriously impacted our relationship.  There’s no way he could understand everything I’m feeling.  I’m an emotional person, as most women are.  Most guys just don’t get that.  We’re wired differently.  I had to learn to take what Craig was capable of giving me, what needs he was capable of meeting for me and seeking everything else from God.  Do you know how much easier this made our relationship?  I had set Craig up for failure.  I was expecting him to know everything I was feeling and make it all better...humanly impossible.  God is the only One who can do all that.

Second, you can’t change your spouse.  You know what I’m saying...the stuff that didn’t really bug you when you were dating or the things you thought for sure would go away that didn’t. So, you figure, ‘ok, I’ll fix you’.  Guess what, you can’t.  This is where prayer comes in as well as the humbling experience of realizing you need a bunch of changing, too.  You see, when you change, your spouse will follow.  Things around here had gotten rough for a while.  I came to realize I had hardened my heart toward my husband.  That’s a bad place to be.  I was full of anger.  He suffered, I suffered, our kids suffered.  It was awful.  I had to take ownership of what I was doing so I could change it but I couldn’t change without God’s help.  I needed Him to show me the areas in my life that needed to change.  Slowly, everything began to change.  I began to see him differently, more lovingly, like I used to before things got so hard.  I stopped snapping all the time.  I stopped expecting things from him that he just couldn’t give me because he’s human.  As my attitude and behavior improved, so did his.  I also did something I never thought I was capable of doing.  I started to submit.  (Wow, did I really just say that and put it in writing?)

I always thought biblical submission was ridiculous.  I’m a very, very strong-willed woman.  The idea of submitting to anyone other than God was ridiculous.  The fact is, Craig is a man.  And, as a man, he is the head of our home.  I manage the house, stuff like our family calendar, laundry, cooking, kids’ schedules but, Craig leads us.  Being submissive to your husband doesn’t mean you become a doormat.  It simply means you take a step back and let him take the lead.  And, probably more than anything else, as a wife, you respect your husband.  See, women need to feel loved and secure.  Men need to be respected.  Part of this respect comes from letting him lead you and your children, spiritually, financially, in every way. 

You also both need to be willing to work hard to make the marriage work.  In a world that celebrates all that’s immoral, hold on to your spouse, tightly. Thank God for them, pray for them and pray for yourself, too.  Divorce, these days, comes way too easy for my taste buds.  When shows like 'Mistresses' are premiering on TV this season, we need to focus on the sanctity of marriage and not celebrate the sins of our humanity.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.—Mark 10:7-9

 

Forgiveness

Forgiveness...one simple word, one of the most difficult things to do. 

There's so much I could write on this topic.  And, anyone who knew me before I was saved would be very amused at the topic of my first blog.  But, it's been my greatest lesson. So, I'm going to start with talking about forgiving others.

I'm going to share a story with you.  It had a tremendous impact on me when I heard it at our women's conference at church.  Sheila Walsh spoke and blew me out of the water.  She shared this story with us about her son.  When he was a young boy, he came to her one day and asked her to make him a thermos of hot chocolate because he was running away and wanted to take it with him.  She made him his hot chocolate as she watched him pack his backpack full of stuff for his journey.  All he told her he was going north.  He took his full backpack, hot chocolate and left. 

She went up to the balcony outside her bedroom where she could see him walking.  She watched for a while and had decided, if he got too far for her to see, she would simply run out and follow him.  He got quite far when she saw him turn around and come back.  So, as any spying mother would do, she ran downstairs and pretended to still be working in the kitchen when he walked back in. 

Later that night, when Sheila was tucking her son into bed, she asked him how his day was, specifically, how his journey was.  His response:  "It was fine, I quite enjoyed it but, my backpack was just too heavy."  Now, sitting at the conference, I was thinking this was such an endearing story about a little boy who ran away.  Sheila is amazing at telling stories.  She took it one incredible step further, though.  She asked us to imagine the day we meet Jesus.  We're standing at the throne and He is looking at us and asks:  "Well, how did you enjoy your journey?"  What if your response is:  "It was fine, I quite enjoyed it but, my backpack was just too heavy."  The visual alone was enough to bring every woman there to tears.

Can you imagine this?  You've carried so much with you for so long that you've reached the end, exhausted.  I think this speaks to most of us.  We've all got our demons, parents who damage us, people who do wrong things to us, abusive mates, family members who sexually abuse us, friends who betray us.  (I'm not the only one, right?)  One by one, these all end up as rocks in our backpacks.  It gets heavier and heavier.  We start wearing the weight of it on our faces.  We grow cold and hard, angry and hateful.

I used to have a motto:  "I don't forgive and forget.  And, if I do one, I don't do the other."  I heard it on a show once and thought it was great.  I put it into practice with many people in my life.  I thought it protected me.  What it was really doing was tearing me down.  I was consumed by anger and hatred.  I became hard and cold, angry and hateful. 

Until one day I realized it was impacting my husband, my children, everyone around me.  I decided to have a demon slaying mission.  I locked myself up in my room with a pad, pen and my Bible.  I prayed before I started that God would reveal to me everyone I needed to forgive.  If I couldn't call them, I wrote them a letter.  I had been held prisoner by this unforgiveness and anger for so many years.  After two exhausting hours and so many tears I can't even number them, I was set free.  One by one, I removed each rock from my backpack. 

You see, forgiveness isn't about the other person.  It's about you. 

It's amazing how much easier it is to go through life with a lighter backpack.  You stand taller, you smile more, you sleep better and you love more.  You'd be surprised how many people you impact, too.  Other people around you will start to see how free you are and they'll start to forgive, too.

After all, I'm a sinner and I'm forgiven.  If Jesus can forgive me of my plethora of sins, who am I not to forgive others? 

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother  who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." —Matthew 18:21-22

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. —Mark 11:25