Labels…not good enough, fat, ugly, clumsy, loud, mouthy. I often joke about these labels but the jokes come from years of believing they all make me who I am. I’m not playing the martyr card here, just stay with me.
I told you in my first post about the rocks in my backpack. I took them all out and forgave every person these rocks represented. However, the damage had been done. You know what I mean, that voice you just can’t get rid of. That loud whisper in your head that tells you you’re not good enough or you can’t do something…why does this voice speak louder than the voice of God? I would think His voice would speak louder than any other. But, once you’re damaged, it becomes who you are. Or, does it?
I realized I let myself become those things. I let myself believe I wasn’t good enough. I was so stuck on never being good enough, I didn’t even feel like a good enough Christian some days. Well, guess what I learned? I am good enough. And, so are you. You see, God created me. He knows every single hair on my head. He knew me before I was in my mother’s womb. He loved me then, He was with me then and He loves me now and He is with me now.
But, getting to this point hasn’t been easy. I’ve let my past define me for a very long time. To give all of that up, to no longer live behind the labels, was scary. So I decided to start fighting. Fighting to release myself from all the things people had said to me, done to me and the things I had done. I was fighting myself. Until one day I realized, I was fighting a fight that had already been won.
Jesus died on a cross for my sins. He died on a cross for me. The me that I defined as all those negative things, the ‘not good enough’ me…but He defines me as His—His creation, His child. He fought the fight…and won. Why was I still fighting?
Sure, those things had been said to me and about me. But, one day, September 14, 2011, I took a stand, literally. I stood up in church, believed in my heart and confessed with my mouth that Jesus was my Lord and Savior. And, on another day, April 29, 2012, I came up out of the water, changed. On that day, I was reborn, a child of God, a daughter of the King.
Now, don't misunderstand. I didn't wake up on April 30 believing I was good enough. But, I was, as I said above, changed. I had an awareness that I never had before. I had the knowledge that I was created by God for a reason. That He had a will for me that was far greater than I had ever imagined. That, with His grace, I could do anything. The Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead was the same Spirit that now lived in me. This Spirit, His voice, now speaks louder than any other voice in my head. And, I finally stopped fighting.
Labels…redeemed, forgiven, loved, saved, fearfully and wonderfully made, a child of God. I like this list much better.
Therefore if any person is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away. Behold, the new has come!—2 Corinthians 5:17Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.—John 1:12-13