Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Letting go...

The twins may as well be monkeys.  They climb on everything with no trouble.  However, when they try to get down, they get about two inches off the floor and start asking for help. I was telling our nanny about this and how, when they start asking for help, I tell them: “Just let go, you’ll be OK”.
She looked at me and said:  “I’m sure there’s a sermon in there somewhere”.  Well that hit me like a freight train.  It’s so funny when God uses your kids (and their nanny) to teach you a lesson.  
Letting go is my greatest struggle.  Those of you who know me are well aware that I’m a control freak.  I talk about being so strong in my faith.  My daughter’s middle name is Faith.  I claim Hebrews 11:1 as my scripture.  I have a ton of faith when it comes to other people’s trials.  So, how come I can’t exercise that same faith when it comes to my own trials?  Why do I have to get in God’s way and try to fix everything myself? 
My best friend was saved long before me.  I remember sending her emails about stuff that I was going through, looking for advice.  She’d always tell me to let go and let God.  What does that even mean?  I’d look at her emails and be so confused. 
Now I’m learning and growing more each day and I understand more about what she meant.  I learned a lot about it during my pregnancy with the twins. I suffered through major anxiety.  That was when I started on my path to Jesus.  I started reading the bible and praying whenever I felt anxious.  I learned about leaving your cares at the foot of the cross and praying for peace.  I still do that with some things but, not with all of them. 
As we go through life, we trust so many people.  Think about it.  When we fly, for instance, we trust the pilots, people we don’t even know, with our lives.  So, why get scared or have to be in control of things instead of just handing them over to our Creator?  What makes me think I can handle something better than God?  It’s our job to cast our cares on Him and His job to take care of us.  So, why don’t we just do it?  Lack of faith.
Fear is lack of faith.  Anxiety is lack of faith.  Concern is lack of faith. 
I’m slowly learning about the complete surrender of my life to Jesus.  This includes, leaning into Him when anything, no matter how big or small I think it is, and knowing He will come through for me.
Most recently, God taught me several lessons all rolled into one neat little package.  The biggest lesson, though, was to trust in Him.  I had something to share with someone I deeply love.  I was riddled with anxiety over it.  I was nauseous the day it was going to all come out.  I tried to fight it.  I tried to talk myself out of it until I realized, I wasn’t having faith in my God.  The same God that got me through being abused as a child, the One that got me through being abused as an adult, the One that got me through losing both my parents far too early, the One that got me through my struggle with infertility and gifted me the most beautiful children.  In this moment, I was lacking faith in this God. 
You see, what I was about to share with this person was serious enough that it could’ve, at minimum, damaged the relationship, at worst, ended the relationship.  Granted, I was going to share this information out of an act of obedience.  God told me I had to come clean.  But, in order to be obedient, I had to trust.  I had to trust the one and only person that has ALWAYS been there to take care of me.  Why wasn’t I willing?  FEAR.  And, again, fear is lack of faith.
So, what did I do?  I was obedient.  I had faith.  I came clean.  And I was met with God's grace.  I saw a glimpse of Jesus in this person.  It was a beautiful, unexpected gift.  And, as usual, God took care of me, He took care of us. 
I have made a choice.  I’ve chosen to surrender my life to Jesus Christ.  I’ve chosen to live for Him with reckless abandon.  That means, no matter what He asks, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me, no matter how much fear I want to feel, my life will be put into His hands.  I will have the faith of a child.  Just like the twins have to believe me when I tell them to let go because they’ll be OK, I have to believe in my Heavenly Father when He tells me to let go because, as long as I have Him, I’ll always end up OK, too.
What are you holding on to?
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. — Philippians 4:6
The Message Bible starts the verse like this:
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray…

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