Defined

I’ve been grieving for close to two days now.  No, no one died.  I cut my hair.  Some of you are thinking this is pretty ridiculous but for me, it isn’t.  My hair has been a very big deal for me for quite some time now.  But now it’s gone.  Not all gone but I can’t feel it on my neck anymore.  I’m a little cold, actually. 

So I sit here, grieving.  I try to understand why I’m devastated by this decision.  It’s not like it won’t grow back.  It’s not like today won’t be a distant memory by next summer when it’s up in a ponytail at the beach again. 

No, this isn’t a post about my hair.  It’s a post about how I’ve defined myself for far too long.  I’m a week away from turning 38 and for as long as I can remember, I’ve been defined by my weight.  Growing up, I was the chubby girl no one wanted to sit with in the cafeteria.  I still feel like that now some days.  So I make sure my hair looks really good and my accessories look great so maybe no one notices my weight problem.

I let the numbers on the scale define me daily.  Although I’ve lost 73 pounds, I’m 25 pounds from my goal weight.  I get on the scale every morning, see I haven’t lost any more weight, and I get in the shower devastated. I berate myself.  I get consumed with worry about what others are thinking as they look at me.   

And, now my hair is short.  What are people going to say when they see me now?

And then, God speaks.  I love it when He checks me.  He gives me clarity and revelation and suddenly, everything is OK.  Clear as day, I heard his voice reminding me of two things.

First: I’m His. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I’m not defined by the numbers on the scale or the length of my hair or the size of the necklace and earrings I’m wearing.  But, I am defined by one very important word—His.  That’s right, I’m His.  His creation.  His daughter.    

Second: My concern should not be what people think when they see my outward appearance.  I should be concerned with whether or not they’re seeing the love of Jesus Christ through me.  Are they seeing His love in how I interact with my husband, my children and anyone I encounter? 

I should be defined by my love for Him and all He has created which includes me. 

Today I stand firm on God's word.  I stand firm in the knowledge that He created me exactly the way I am.  I stand firm in the knowledge of a love so deep, so intense, I’m overwhelmed by it.  I stand firm in knowing what’s important—showing others this love. 

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."—Psalm 139:13-15

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."— 1 Peter 3:3-4